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4.2 Communication in Relationships
Communication is important in all kinds of relationships.
Different relationships require different levels of
communication.
4.2.1 Levels of
Communication
The
amount of self disclosure that is healthful depends on the depth
of the relationship.
Self-disclosure is the act of making yourself known to others. There
are four different levels of self-disclosure used in
conversations.
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Cliché:
Cliché is the use of small talk that is sometimes used to
avoid silence. Examples: How are you? Great weather!
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Reporting Facts
When you report facts or gossip, you talk about what someone
else has said or done.
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Sharing Ideas you begin to disclose or share some of your ideas, judgments, and
decisions.
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Expressing Feelings
when you are comfortable in a relationship, you may express
the feeling behind your ideas, judgment, and decisions. The
highest level of communication involves the mutual sharing
of feelings.
Communication at the highest level involves some risk. Some of
your ideas and decisions may be rejected. However, the benefits
are more rewarding than the risks. Communicating at this level
promotes optimum health in several ways. One of these has to do
with the possible prevention of psychosomatic diseases and
disorders. When you keep feeling bottled up inside you, you can
develop such problems as headaches, ulcers, or stomachaches.
When you are able to express feeling in your relationships, you
are healthier and your relationships are healthier.
4.2.2 I Messages and
Active Listening
Communicating feeling can be established by using I messages. I
messages are statements that tell about you, your feeling, and
your needs. To have the greatest impact messages must have three
parts: a specific behavior, an effect of that behavior, and a
feeling. Here is an example of I message:
When I
studied two extra hours for the test (behavior), I received an A
(effect), and I felt proud (feeling). When you use I messages,
you are trying to communicate more clearly with others. I
messages are also called responsibility messages. Active
listening helps you clarify what someone has said to you.
4.2.3 Non-verbal
Communication
It is
the use of behavior rather than words to show feelings. Some
nonverbal communication expresses a negative response.
Pressing your lips tightly together and shaking your head in
disapproval are all behaviors that indicate a negative response.
Tapping your foot may indicate a lack of patience. Other
behaviors indicate a positive response. Maintaining eye contact
tells someone you are listening. A beaming smile expresses joy,
acceptance, or excitement. When you combine verbal and nonverbal
communication, they should match; give the same message.
4.2.4 Aggressive,
Passive, and Assertive Behaviors
You
respond to situations with either aggressive, passive, or
assertive behavior.
Aggressive behavior
is the use of words and /or actions that communicate
disrespect toward others. It includes name calling, loud and
sarcastic remarks, and statement of blame. Glaring at someone,
using threatening hand gestures, and / or a stiff or rigid
posture.
Passive behavior is the holding back of ideas, opinions, and
feelings. It includes self-criticism, unnecessary apologies, and
making excuses. Also looking away or laughing when discussing or
expressing serious feelings.
Assertive behavior is the honest expression of thoughts and feelings
without experiencing anxiety or threatening others. Assertive
behavior is the healthiest behavior. It promotes high quality
relationships. It includes I messages and active listening. Also
confident body posture, hand gestures and comfortable eye
contact. |